Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
