I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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