Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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