you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
