i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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