He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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