Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
