My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
