other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
