even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
