i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
