I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
