what day is it and did you see me today?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
