Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
