remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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