He kissed a someone with a penis
high people should be assigned attendants
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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