Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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