9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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