On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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