actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
