You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
