is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
