Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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