So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
