evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
