i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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