I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
