i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
