just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
