just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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