We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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