Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
