apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Randomize
