It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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