I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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