I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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