Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
