You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
