I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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