I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He shit in the fireplace
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
