Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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