We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
