I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
