Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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