I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
