Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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