Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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