I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
