marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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