Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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